Welcome Back American Idol - This Time They Can Sing!

It’s an all estrogen night of American Idol - including Ryan. I don't think tonight can possibly be worse than last night. Could the girls produce the same mix of nervous untalented performances as their testosterone carrying brethren? Last year the girls struggled the first night while the guys looked unbeatable; we had great singing from Taylor, Elliot, and Chris. Sure there were the Will Makars and David Radfords of the night, but they were the exception. Perhaps we'll have a total reversal this time around. I sure hope so, otherwise thus begins the worst season in Idol history. Granted Idol history doesn’t go back all that far, but in the land of reality television where shows like Temptation Island come and go faster than a Britney Spears rehab, you gotta admire the staying power of Idol. Fantasia is supposedly making a guest appearance on Idol this Thursday night, leading me to wonder if any of the current Idol women were lucky enough to have unprotected sex with an irresponsible child fearing man while they were ovulating like Fantasia did, ensuring a wonderful Olympic like overcoming all obstacles background story. At the start of every Idol season I wonder if the show hasn’t already jumped the shark in some ways. In season one the contestants were all 24 or under, now the age is raised to 73. Ok it’s not really that high, but some contestants sure look older than 29, yes Taylor Hicks, I’m talking to you. Way back in season one, young idealistic performers just starting out in their musical careers dominated the top 10. Last year we had polished veterans like Taylor and Chris. Is it any wonder they were more comfortable on stage than the younger contestants? Sure the quality of the show is better with the older contestants, but do we run the risk of not finding the greatest undiscovered talent? Part of Idol’s charm is watching the contestants grow up before our eyes and discover their inner voice while they blossom on stage. Kelly Clarkson looked like a wholesome Texas girl when she first auditioned, but by the end of the season she looked like a star; her metamorphosis was stunning. In season two Clay Aiken changed from a dorky looking crooner into…well ok he was still pretty dorky looking, but at least he got rid of the creepy facial expressions and learned how to command the stage. But last year, can anyone really say Chris or Taylor changed throughout the season? They were relatively the same as day one; they had already performed so many times at bars and nightclubs their craft was honed the first time they opened their mouth in front of the judges. Their fans will of course protest, arguing they both evolved into much better performers, and this is true, but their improvement pales in comparison to several of the contestants from seasons 1-4. The way the show is run now a younger singer has little opportunity for early mistakes; they must sing good from the start or run the risk of a 30 year old taking their spot. Thing about it, if you took an 18 year old basketball phenom and put him on the court with a bunch of 33 year old 12 year NBA veterans who even in their prime weren’t that good, the 18 year old would have a few shining moments, but many more mistakes and several ‘why did make such a stupid play I thought this guy was going to be good’ moments. Give the phenom a couple years and he’ll blow the old guys off the court. Look at Carrie Underwood, when she first tried out she had as many moves as Al Gore, and I don’t mean cool ex VP Al Gore that makes hit movies and host Saturday Night Live, I’m talking Senator Al Gore that used to put the entire Senate to sleep every time he opened his mouth to talk about those useless topics like the space shuttle and the environment. I mean really, to think we could have an impact on the environment, what a joke! In fact just to show we haven’t polluted the ecosystem or destroyed the ozone layer I drink daily from the Hudson River. Other than glowing urine I haven’t had any side effects yet. Finally, did anyone see the Grammys? That girl singing onstage with Justin Timberlake originally tried out for American Idol, but she wasn’t good enough in the Hollywood rounds. Think the Idol producers would like to have that girl back? Not since Sam Bowie’s name was called has anyone regretted not selecting someone so much. She is a young girl, probably overwhelmed with the pressures of Hollywood week, and incapable of dealing with the pressure as well as someone approaching 30 years old. If she competed against a bunch of people 24 and over I wonder what her chances of making the top 24 would have been, but alas we’ll never know. Ok, back to tonight’s show! I wonder if any of the girls will whore it up tonight. If you cannot sing, your best option is lots of cleavage and a bare midriff. Ryan, wearing a jacket but no tie, is a little more dressed up tonight. Will the male contestants sitting stage right dance any better than the girls? Maybe better singing leads to better dancing? The girls are on the staircase just like the guys; they put Lakisha down at the bottom of the stairs, I wonder if there are fire code concerns having her at the top of the stairs, I mean sure the stairs are made to hold a lot of weight, but maybe not for such a long time. Ryan says we had a pretty strong start to the competition last night. Huh? Really? Did Ryan not listen last night? With the exception of Helen Keller, who ironically is a big Idol fan, most people thought last night lacked talent and originality.

During the recap of the guys some of them do indeed sound better with only a 20 second clip of their singing, and somewhat surprisingly they reshow the Chris insult towards Simon. Without the extended silence and withering stare from Simon it doesn’t seem nearly as bad. Ryan makes his worst pun of the early season saying, “Phil couldn’t ask for more when it came to judgment time” (he sang “I Could Not Ask For More”). Sometimes I think Ryan’s writers used to work for America’s Funniest Home Videos back in the Bob Saget days. I wonder if one of the girls will shock us tonight, maybe someone we haven’t seen too much of yet. This might be the best looking group of Idol girls from top to bottom, even if Lakisha is holding them down like one of those big anchors they have on cruise ships. While introducing the judges Ryan points out the hypocrisy of their suggestions. They often tell the contestants to take a risk, but upon taking the risk the judges say you can’t sing that song and belittle the song choice. Randy assures Ryan it’s not like that dawg. After sleeping on it, Paula doesn’t believe the guys let anyone down; the first night is always a learning experience. Simon seems too happy tonight, he probably exciting he doesn’t have to look at any men sing. He says he is fine with Chris having a go at him, he rather likes his spirit, and like Paula he doesn’t think the contestants let us down, but unlike Paula he thinks they let themselves down. Ouch. He really should create a line of greeting cards from Hallmark for when you need to fire someone, break up with them, tell them they have terminal cancer, you know all the times you just can’t find the right words to devastate someone. The recap reminds us how the ladies made it to the Top 24, they sure look happy when they advance through each round, but can they sing…we are about to find out.

Stephanie Edwards – How Come You Don’t Call me Anymore
Her parents told her she is good enough. She says without their encouragement she wouldn’t be here tonight and breaks into tears. Compare her story to that kid whose mother never said she loved him and then seemingly hung up on him when he called her with the news he forgot his words and was sent packing. She comes out looking a lot like Latoya London from a few years back, but can she sing as well? Maybe she can…her voice has a really nice tone and her facial expressions are neither forced nor corny. She is wearing handcuffs for earrings but she is sounding really good. She really gets into the song once it gets going and drops down to her knees, unlike Katherine McPhee who starts out on her knees. She hits a pretty well controlled run near the end of the song, it is more subtle than over the top, which is exactly what the song needs. The performance felt elegant, like something out of a 1950s jazz club, all we needed was a segregated crowd to finish the effect. Paula goes nuts when Stephanie finishes; she is clapping her hands and jumping up and down in her chair. I wonder if this is what Anna Nicole Smith looked like when Howard K. Stern was holding her daily dose of meth in front of face. For some reason I think this will be the highlight of Stephanie’s stay on Idol, hopefully she will prove me wrong. Randy already sees a huge difference tonight. Even though he calls her pitchy in spots he says she set if off right and her conviction was great. Paula calls her a star and Simon says she is a million times better than anything we saw last night. He says this is the best she has done and compliments her for coming out with an “I wanna win American Idol” attitude. Ryan congratulates her for setting the right tone and being so comfortable. She thanks the audience for being so awesome.

After the break we return to the “Coke” room and have a little conversation with Melinda Doolittle. Ryan asks her what the girls learning from the guy’s night, and Melinda says, “That sucking is bad and not to drink so much whiskey before the show.” Ok I made that up, but it might explain why the guys were so bad. She actually says the guys were amazing, but the judges are going to challenge everyone to bring their A game.

Amy Debbs – I can’t make you love me
This is another contestant we know almost nothing about from the early rounds, but we do learn she is an optometrist assistant. Unless she really hits it big tonight I fear she might be going home. She is singing a slow semi-boring song, which is a big risk when you are a total unknown; people are more likely to call over and over again for a fast song than for a slow one. Her voice has a nice tone, but she is a little pitchy on her vocal runs. Her biggest problem probably comes from standing still the ENTIRE time; she literally doesn’t move. As a general rule, if you are following a girl that was so into her song she dropped to her knees, don’t go out there and make Al Gore look mobile. Her voice is not cookie cutter, but she isn’t doing anything worth my phone call. Also, does this girl have a left eye? I know the contestants probably don’t do their own hair, but come on Amy demand they let us see your eyes! Hey maybe that’s why she isn’t moving around! Randy says it was kinda middle of the road, didn’t quite work on the runs, a boring song, and way too safe. Paula, who seems to almost always echo Randy agrees and wants Amy singing blues next week. Randy says she is better than the song she picked. I bet Bonnie Rait is sitting at home throwing stuff at the TV right now. Simon can’t remember Amy; he says she has the personality of a candle. He predicts we’ll forget her after another two girls perform; he is probably right. When Ryan joins her on stage she towers over him like the Empire State Building, she must be at least 5’6’’. Given one last chance to insult her, Ryan says everything about Amy is forgettable, from her hair to her clothing. My advice to Amy is sex it up next week, show Simon something he can’t soon forget. Maybe you could get Chris Richardson, who kinda looks like Justin Timberlake, to run out on stage and pull your top off, that way everyone in America will be talking about her.

Leslie Hunt – Natural Woman
She is a relative unknown, but we learn from her recap she walks dogs for a living. Is this a good way to make a living? How many dogs must you walk a day to pay the bills?
Right after they tell us she is a dog walker we see a clip of Paula acting like a dog. During the recap we see how much the judges liked her, yet she didn’t get much pre top 24 screen time. She is wearing knee high boots, which is a plus, but she decided to sing a really hard song. Kelly Clarkson took this song on and conquered it, will Leslie? The fact she is not a large black girl works against her. She has a pleasant voice, but it’s not overpowering like this song requires. She also has some crazy dance moves. She certainly has a nice sound, but this song is way too big for her voice; she did hit some nice notes at the end, perhaps foreshadowing good things to come if she survives. It’s kinda like if a little kid walks around wearing a really huge jacket; they just look a little silly. Tonight Leslie is that little kid. I will never understand why anyone ever picks a song by: Aretha; Celine; Mariah; Stevie; or the Wiggles. I think you get the idea; if the song comes from someone widely considered to possess the greatest voice in the history of ‘the known world,’ don’t sing their song! Randy says he was hoping for greatness, but felt the song was too big for her; he wanted an “oh my god she really sang that” moment. Paula thinks she did a great job, however, she cautions her to be careful with her song selection. Simon says it wasn’t that great, inquires if she really is a dog walker, then tells her not to look so embarrassed while she is singing. It sounds harsh, but he is right, she needs to loosen up a little. When Simon says the word dog Randy goes a little nuts and
asks the dawg pound (the male contestants) if they feel her; they all cheer and go nuts, which I guess means yes they feel her. Chris Sligh is the first one to stand up and cheer. Perhaps he knows he killed a lot of his good will with his wisecracking last night and is desperate to get some back by supporting his fellow contestants.

Sabrina Sloan – I never loved a man
In her recap she says she was overwhelmed seeing how many people tried out for American Idol. Even though you know thousands of people try out, I imagine seeing 10,000 people in one place all believing they are the next Idol would be pretty impressive. Of course 9,900 of them probably can’t sing a note in tune to save their life. Wouldn’t that be a great show idea? Each contestant has only one chance to sing a note in tune, and if they fail they are executed on stage. Or maybe the home viewers can vote on who gets killed each week. That’s a hit show right there. If your favorite gets ‘voted off’ I bet you’d feel pretty bad for not trying to call more times. Sabrina really nailed her song in Hollywood earning a dancing ovation from Paula. She looks a little big like the girl that just won the British version of Idol, and Simon was obsessed with her, so maybe Sabrina will get some love from the caustic Brit. Her first note is really odd, I’m not sure if it was even a human, but soon after she hits her stride. Sabrina has the right idea, although she is singing a song sang by Aretha, it’s not one you instantly recognize as Aretha, like Respect or Natural Woman. She sounds a lot like Christina, except without all the stds. Ok that’s not fair anyone I suppose. For a while there Christina epitomized being a slutty whore (watch the Dirty video), but now she is all classy, sophisticated, and sane, unlike her former rival Mrs. Federline. There are a few pitch problems throughout, but the guys love her, and she sells it really good. This is probably my favorite performance of the night. The girls are making the guys look bad. It’s like the guys came out last night and spelled the word ‘cat’ and the girls are spelling words like ‘disestablishmentarian.’ Randy exclaims, “We finally have a competition.” He calls her hot and the one to beat. Paula stands for her again and calls her awesome. Simon says she just proved his point; there is a difference between just taking part in the show and genuinely having a desire to win. Simon calls it the best of everything we’ve seen so far. The producers immediately switch to a camera focused on Stephanie’s face for about 2 seconds; she has an ‘oh no he didn’t’ look on her face. I think if the camera lingered on her longer she might have snapped her fingers. Sabrina tells Ryan she has been faithfully watching the show the past 5 years and now watches the new show Idol Rewind: she didn’t sing a fast song because fast songs work better. Sabrina is smooth with the banter on stage. She just managed to get a free plug in for the Rewind show. Let’s see if she gets the pimp spot next week, if she does we know her plug got somebody’s attention.

Antonella Barba – Don’t wanna miss a thing
During her recap she says her voice was really run down and she had little confidence. She thought she blew her chance, but made it into the top 24 after being one of the last 2 remaining girls. Compare the way the girls react to the guys. When the judges select Antonella the girl next to her immediately reaches over and gets her a big congratulatory hug (the guy next to Sundance had a death stare at the judges when he didn’t advance). She starts her song sitting down, which is always dangerous. Sitting and singing requires excessive emotion to connect with the audience – I’m not sure if Antonella has that much emotional depth. This is a horrible song choice, and she is all over the place in the first half of the song. Holy cow, look in the audience its Ben Affleck! Ok they probably couldn’t get him to show up for the show even though she is doing a song from Armageddon, but if they worked really hard I bet they could talk Steve Buscemi into an appearance. She gets credit for hitting a lot of notes; unfortunately, many of them are off pitch and at the wrong time. The other girls looking on over the railing look as bored as I me. What are the protocols if one of them accidentally falls over, or if someone like Lakisha leans a little too much and the railing gives way? Should the person stop singing until the medics get there, or keep belting it out epitomizing the ‘show must go on’ motto? This is BY FAR the weakest performance of the night. It’s like she doesn’t know how to sing the song. The song lacks any cohesion; it’s like three different people are singing the song without any rhyme or reason. At various times she sounds like a gospel singer, a pop singer, and just a regular ol’ kid from New Jersey incapable of hitting a note in tune. The judges are going to be harsh. Randy says “Oh man,” and keeps it real telling Antonella she was pitchy and really bland. Paula has that ‘I hate being look on her face’ and says it wasn’t that bad, but there were some pitch problems. Simon gives her good news – she is attractive. The bad news is he thinks she seriously damaged her chances of remaining on Idol another week. Poor Antonella she looks ready to break into tears. Simon wants her to sing something more pop oriented next week, because this song ate her up. Simon says her singing this song is like Ryan trying to do the news. At least Simon didn’t say it would be like Ryan dating a female.

Jordin Sparks – Give me one reason to say here
She says it’s a benefit being so young, but at the same time people keep telling her she is so young, a little too sugary sweet. She is only a junior in high school, but unlike Sanjaya I guess she didn’t get her GED. She is singing a Tracy Chapman song (didn’t see that coming from the sugar girl), but unlike Tracy it looks like Jordin actually bathed today. She has a very strong voice; unlike most contestants she isn’t totally dying on the really low register. Jordin wins tonight’s Blake award for most unlikely song selection. The last half of the song is fantastic. She goes all Christina and changes the song into a Jordin original. This might be my new favorite of the night. Randy likes it but isn’t effusive with his praise. He wants her to challenge herself with even bigger songs. Paula loved the song selection and thinks Jordin came into her own. Simon says we’ve seen a big change in Jordin since her sugary audition. He suggests she select some songs that are a bit younger and wants her to push herself. Simon believes she could surprise some people in this competition. Jordin might be this year’s Paris. Even though Jordin is like 12 years old she is almost two feet taller than Ryan. Ryan realizes this and makes a short joke then compensates for his small stature by entering the Superman stance. If Superman is the man of steel, Ryan is the man of highlights.

Nicole Tranquillo – Stay
She is a voice major in school, doesn’t like sleeping, loves being busy, and had her best Idol moment during the group performance in Hollywood. That is everything we know about Nicole to this point, meaning she better be good or she’ll be going home. The start is not very good; her voice is doing some weird things. She is over styling this song to death. She sounds a little like Anastacia or Taylor Dane once the song reaches the midway point. She actually is sounding pretty good now I think. I’m not sure if I liked her singing. Does she always sound like this? Is this her normal singing voice? Since we haven’t seen her prior to now it’s super hard to tell. The camera showed Stephanie again who still looks really upset. I think Simon saying someone was better than her has left her a little upset. Randy takes a long pause and says it wasn’t really working for him. He thinks it was over his head. Paula isn’t sure how many of the contestants can hit all of Nicole’s notes, but isn’t sure she picked the right song. Simon says it was the wrong song and a little too indulgent. He thinks she was over rehearsed and unnatural. Ryan joins the semi crushed Nicole on stage and tells us Paula has always championed Nicole, and asks Paula why. She says it’s because Nicole can sing. Randy chimes in saying the song was too urban for Nicole, in other words only black people can sing that song. Nicole says she loves that song and thinks it’s really fun, but provides a “no comment” in response to Simon’s indulgent remark.

Haley Scarnato – It’s all coming back to me
Haley loves being in a competition with so many talented people. She sings in a band back home and apparently really likes Celine Dion. Uh oh she is singing a Celine song – this has train wreck written all over it. She presents the night’s first cleavage, wearing a strapless black top and a huge hubcap-looking piece of jewelry around her neck. She is not following Sabina’s logic; she is singing a ballad. I’m bored halfway through the song. She can definitely sing and is hitting the high notes with strength, but it still feels like a ‘so what’ performance. I think I could get this in any of the dozens of daily performances at Disney World. Ultimately, she isn’t as good as Celine Dion, which should ensure the judges will not like her song choice. Randy lets out a huge sigh; he looks kinda like those Walruses opening their mouths when they come out of the water at Sea World. He says he was bored, but she made a good choice for her broadwayish voice. Paula thinks she did a nice job, but was hoping for a different song, since they already heard her sing this in Hollywood. Simon asks for her age (24), and says she sounded like she was 40. He says everything about her was old tonight, but thinks she does have a good voice. Simon says she was kinda boring and all the judges agree. Haley appreciates the comments but wants to stay true to herself and her style. Maybe she is just a boring person. On the Idol website one of her listed hobbies is watching paint dry. Ok I made that up.

Melinda Doolittle – Since You’ve been gone
Melinda is 29, which is way too old for this show. She was a little freaked out in the Hollywood rounds because they had backup singers, and of course she is America’s new favorite back up singer. I hope she makes the top 12 where sometimes the contestants act as backup singers for each other during the group numbers, but not Melinda, she’ll freak out and start crying as soon as someone ask her to sing backup. She comes out tonight full of confidence: a total transformation from her audition where she looked like she didn’t belong. She has a lot of spunk and sounds pretty good. I should be enjoying this song more than I am, she sounds good, and isn’t hitting any bad notes. Yet, I have no emotional connection. I think instead of listening to her sing I have Kelly Clarkson’s version of ‘Since you’ve been gone’ playing in my head. She shows off a lot of her voice and personality, but for me I’m a little disappointed (not quite sure why though). Randy says that’s the way to do it, show it, prove it, blow it out the box, and have confidence. He calls her the bomb. Little does Randy know the department of Homeland Security has outlaw the utterance of the word bomb and rushes on stage tasering Randy before he knows what happened. That didn’t happen, but who wouldn’t want to see some Idol judges tasered. That’s a pay per view event right there. Paula thinks Melinda is a firecracker and a frontrunner. Simon says over the last two nights we’ve seen people with little talent but tons of arrogance. With Melinda, it’s the exact opposite, because she has tons of talent and little arrogance. Speaking of judges, they should use the Idol judges to figure out where to bury Anna Nicole Smith. Thank about it, Simon can insult all the awful people involved, Randy can repeatedly call a dead white woman ‘dawg,’ and who better to interpret the wishes of a drugged up slut than Paula?

Alaina Alexander – Brass in my Pocket
In her recap Alaina tells us she cries all the time: the truth or a shameless ploy for sympathy? She is the Dick Vermeil of American Idol. Is it wrong to hope she does horrible so we get to see if she can resist crying? She thought Hollywood week was like survival of the fittest. Uh oh that sounds like Darwin or something, I think she just lost the religious right vote. This is a really bad song choice. Sure the song is fun and upbeat and gives her a chance to smile at the camera and prance around stage, but it possesses limited vocal range. Her voice gets a little lost on the lower notes. Midway through the song she has a hard time finding a few pitches. About 50 percent of this song consists of the same three notes, but near the end she opens things up a little and almost gets to something good, but never quite gets anywhere. Randy says it really wasn’t great, wasn’t original, and was too pitchy. Paula didn’t feel it and wants Alaina to go for it next time. Simon says it’s ironic she kept singing the line ‘I’m special’ and it wasn’t, he thinks she lost it halfway through. The camera flashes to Antonella leaning on the couch looking exasperated by Simon. Simon says three or four girls blew her off the stage tonight. He thinks she will have to rely on her looks to stay on the show this week. Sensing Alaina is on the verge of a breakdown, Ryan joins her on stage and says she has a lot of passion; she almost quit singing but toughed it out. Ryan, since this is such a big dream of Alaina, asks Randy what she can do for next week. Randy asks her what she sings best and she seems to have no clue. Boy that’s comforting if you are an Alaina fan. Simon thinks Ryan is a little over biased and asks if Ryan if he is trying to date this girl. In unison, Ryan and Alaina both say, “what!” Hey if the guy who hosts Survivor can hook up with some girl out in the jungle, why can’t Ryan score with an Idol contestant. But raise your hand if you’d be surprised it was a female.

Gina Glocksen – All By Myself
She is finally in the top 24 after forgetting her words in Hollywood last year. She’s had an entire year to improve. I wonder if she took any of those memory courses I see advertised on television in the middle of the night. You know the one where they show us the little kid failing out of school, but then he takes the memory course and is now on the honor roll. They should include criminals in those commercials. Like an identify thief saying, “I used to have a horrible time remember people’s credit card numbers, but now I see it once and I never forget it. Thanks to the memory program I’ve charged over $30,000 dollars to other people’s credit cards.” Gina’s voice is thick and strong and she has no trouble hitting songs low notes. Tonight’s random fun fact: this is the same song Latoya London sang in Season 3. She does a pretty good job hitting the song’s big power note; her mother is crying tears of joy. I am surprised by her song choice. I expected her to sing something more rock or pop. She certainly has a great voice. Randy says he was worried when she started singing, but then remembered she has a big voice. Paula thinks she sang the right song because she has that big powerful voice. Simon says it was a different side to her, but doesn’t think she quite hit the right note. Ryan asks her how confident she was before the song (based on a scale from 1-10), she says 6. What about after the song he asks, and Gina says 12. She is really proud of herself for hitting the note, even if it wasn’t perfect. Gina misses a golden opportunity to promote herself. She is contestant number 11, which is how people will be voting for her, so why not say she is an 11 on the confidence scale!

Lakisha – And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going
Hey here we go! We finally have our Fantasia single mother story line again. Wouldn’t it be nice to go against stereotype and have it be a white girl instead? She says if she doesn’t do well on Idol she’ll have no trouble going back to work at the bank. She is doing her best Jennifer Hudson impersonation tonight. She sure cleans up well, and unlike last year’s Mandisa she knows how to dress in a way that doesn’t over emphasize she is a big girl. She has a strong voice to be sure and I feel like I’ve entered the Church of Lakisha. I wonder if it’s one of those churches with an anti-homosexual preacher that likes to get high on meth and hook up with male prostitutes when he’s not busy spreading hate and intolerance. Man those churches are awesome. Geez, Lakisha is going all out stomping her way across the stage. I think she just mimicked the speed skater movement with her feet, or maybe it was a James Brown tribute. I wonder if we’ll have a winner of American Idol season 6 before that guy gets buried. Since he is still not six feet under maybe he is still the hardest workingman in show business. She ends the song on a powerhouse note. She nails it, easily winning best of the night. However, she displays NO originality on the song. She is basically singing the exact same version J-Hud sings in Dreamgirls. But she sang it well, so the judges probably won’t even mention that fact.
Randy says he loves her, and warns J-Hud to watch out. Paula is so proud of her, and says she belongs here honey. Simon, not missing a chance to get at a contestant, says he must correct someone earlier on – that’s the right note! He then tells the 23 other contestants to book your plane tickets home. He calls her in a different league: the camera pans to the girls in the Coke room and they all look on the verge of suicide after hearing Lakisha. Lakisha is basically this year’s Mandisa. However, unlike Mandisa, I think Lakisha is truly likeable. I wonder if Lakisha can sing a more delicate song without the ‘belt them out at the top of your lungs’ notes. Right now it seems like Lakisha is unbeatable, however Latoya blew everyone away in the top 24 round, and then lost a little momentum each week, so I’m really curious what Lakisha will do next week. Ryan joins her on stage and Lakisha says she is nervous. And guess what, it’s Lakisha’s daughters birthday today. Everyone together now – AWWWWW! Even if she didn’t sing great how could anyone vote her off on her little girl’s birthday?

Ryan goes to the judges one final time and asks Randy how many guys deserve to be in the top 12. Randy says about 4 guys and 8 girls. Paula says she is proud of everyone and tells them to pick the right song. I always love when the judges says that, like picking the right song is an easy task. Really, the judges should just say, “don’t suck,” which would help the contestants just as much. Simon thinks 3 or 4 of the girls put themselves in a different league tonight and asserts Lakisha just threw down the gauntlet.

Final Thoughts
The girls were amazing tonight, so much better than the guys I feel ashamed to be a man. Sure they can sing, but can they hunt and gather? I think not! Based on tonight’s singing alone Amy and Antonella were by far the worst. However, Antonella got so much attention in the early rounds I bet there are already fansites devoted to her galore, meaning there is no way she is leaving yet. Amy on the other hand, is a dead man (woman) walking. Joining Amy in the ‘it was fun while it lasted’ crowd will not be Lakisha, Melinda, Gina, and Jordin. All of them sang well and were pre top 24 favorites. Stephanie and Sabrina both received limited pre top 24 hype but sang well enough to survive. That means Leslie, Nicole, Haley, or Alaina will drop into the bottom two. Haley and Alaina both had more on airtime, but Leslie and Nicole were at least different tonight, meaning I think both will stay another week. Although her song choice was Celine Dion, I believe Haley will stay and Alaina will cry herself home. The main question: does Alaina have a strong enough following to force Leslie or Nicole into the bottom two?

Welcome Back American Idol!

Here comes another jam packed first week of the top 24 Idol contestants. Five hours in one week is enough to make even the most ardent Idol fans happy, but you have to wonder how long until they team up with Big Brother and get some cameras in the Idol mansion. Ryan is semi casual tonight, no tie, but he does have a dress shirt and a vest! Is this the first time we’ve seen him in a vest? He was all about the ties the last half of Season 5, so I’m thinking as soon as they go to the top 12 he wears a tie and jacket and continues his evolution into Dick Clark. The contestants are lined up along the staircase and Ryan gives them all a heartfelt high five as he makes his way down the stairs. Ryan gives mad props to the band leader Ricky Minor. Who is this Ricky guy? Wasn’t he also the bandleader on the rather awful celebrity duets show? Is this really what he wanted to be when he grew up – leading a band doing cover songs on various Fox shows? This guy is primed for a Paul Shafer/Kevin Eubanks role in the future, maybe if Brian Dunkleman ever gets his own show. I bet this time of year is brutal for him; thank god for Paxil. Ryan eventually introduces the Idol men and we get our first glimpse of what, after over a month of planning, they decided to wear tonight. Rudy is wearing a purple shirt with a purple target emblazoned upon his chest. Really? This is the best you can do with your fashion sense? Why not wear a red one and hope for a marketing deal with Target in the future? Sundance goes the Taylor route with a semi casual jacket approach. Chris Richardson not only looks like Justin Timberlake, he is dressing like him with the full suit approach. Blake must have coordinated with Ryan pre-show; he has a vest as well. Hey look it’s the female contestants in the crowd right next to the stage, and guess what, we don’t know half of them – great job of editing in the early rounds Idol producers. Ryan banters with the judges and asks Randy if the judges are being tougher this season. Randy says they aren’t, they are just being honest, causing Ryan to turn into the Anna Nicole Smith judge and cross examine him suggesting that in seasons past they were lying, since when they are ‘honest’ they turn mean. Ahhh it feels so good to have the meaningless Ryan/Judge exchanges back in my life.

Rudy Cardenas – Free Ride
Ok its time for some singing, I can’t wait to hear what song the contestants selected and why they picked…huh what? Instead of the normal introduction for the song we get a video package of the contestant’s journey (they know we have no idea who half of these people are) and Rudy says it doesn’t matter what Simon think of him, and then suddenly he is singing. Ok this will be tough, what song is he singing? What if I don’t recognize it, am I going to have to google the lyrics? Never mind, its “Free Ride,” everyone has heard this song at least 137 times. There is a little forced excitement while he is singing. Being forced up is incredibly hard and he is doing too much to sell the performance. He misses his first really big note of the note going a little bit flat, but he is sounding pretty good. The crowd is really pumped up, but they aren’t convincing, they, like me, wanted more from our first Idol contestant of the season. His face goes in and out of cabaret styled expressions; is he channeling Clay Aiken? This isn’t Project Runway, but is this really the best shirt he owns? It is beyond distracting. I’m sure of one thing; no president will ever wear that shirt in public. We learn during Rudy’s song that either none of the girls can dance, or the song is not worthy of their dancing. This is a rather listless opening to Season Six. There is nothing special about Rudy tonight as he delivers the quintessential ‘so what’ performance. He isn’t bad, just not great. It’s too bad Rudy isn’t horrible. Think about it, if he was truly bad and somehow stuck around and overcame his lack of talent the entire audience could break out the Rudy chant and then the camera could flash to Sean Astin in the crowd waving to everyone. Randy says kicking off the show is hard, but for him it was really corny and he could see the same thing in any bar in America. I wonder if he could see the same thing in a gay bar, or hey what about a juice bar. Most people say the best place to find undiscovered talents is in fact at juice bars. Paula calls it a fantastic start to the season, in fact, the best start to the season ever, and of course Simon disagrees. Let’s remember though, Paula often can’t remember to tie her own shoes or avoid hitting cars on the highway, so to expect her to remember the last 5 seasons of Idol is just too much. Simon says the reason he hasn’t been enthusiastic is because he never heard Rudy do anything unique and although a few people had a reasonably good time, Rudy left us with nothing to remember. Paula still maintains he is fantastic. Speaking of former people who she called fantastic I wonder how long it takes Corey Clark to figure someway to get himself in the news again now that the Idol season is back in swing. Come on Corey get down to the Bahamas and say you are the father of Anna Nicole’s baby. We know you have a thing for slutty celebrities and we know that Anna was like the Wilt Chamberlain of playboy bunnies; we’d have to at least wonder if he was telling the truth right? Ryan gives Rudy a chance to respond to the judges and Rudy says everyone has an opinion, but he hopes to change it soon for the better. Whoah wait a second back up John Kerry boy. Didn’t you just say a minute ago you didn’t care what Simon thought about you? But now you do care. FLIP-FLOPPER! Next think you know Rudy will be calling for tax increases and the precipitous withdrawal of troops from the Middle East. Wow Fox News is fast, on the commercial I turn to Hannity and the other guy and they are doing a segment entitled “Will Rudy Cardenas’ Flip-Flop Endanger the Children of America.”

We return to Idol in the “Coke” room with Ryan and he asks Chris Slight what the buzz is tonight, and Chris tells him it is how all the guys look pretty, singling out Sanjaya and Brandon. Wow Chris you are just so funny; I wonder how many of his jokes will crash and burn once we get into the live shows and not just the selective editing of the early rounds. Uh oh did Chris just force Tim Hardaway to change the channel? Chris said he likes to play basketball, well big guy you just lost any chance of playing with Timmy. Chris Richardson says he isn’t nervous tonight, but his face betrays his emotions and Ryan jokingly calls him a liar.

Brandon – Rock with You
Brandon has one of the best pre-Idol resumes I can recall. Unlike so many contestants from years past he wasn’t working in a garage or as a waiter. Instead, he was backing up massive acts like Christina, Justin, and Usher. No not Justin Guarini, the real Justin, you know the one that hooked up with Britney Spears. It’s funny how a few years ago saying you were romantically involved with Spears would be like saying you were Jesus Christ, now it’s a little embarrassing. With all his experience singing in front of thousands of screaming teenagers he might be the contestant best able to handle the pressure. Brandon felt like he was on the bubble during Hollywood week, but he saved himself with an outstanding last day performance. During the recap Randy told Brandon he would never have to sing back up again. Really? Did he say the same thing to former contestants R.J. Helton and Jim Verraros? Well he was right they aren’t singing backup, no, these days they are probably restocking supermarkets late at night or maybe cleaning up aisle seven. Brandon takes the stage and oh no, he has those Constantine eyes. You know the eyes that look through the TV and declare “ I want to have sex with you.” There should be some type of warning before the show like they have for violence and language. He is singing a classic Michael Jackson song, from the days when Michael was still black. Unlike Rudy, Brandon is at ease on stage and not forcing the performance down our collective throats; he is even doing a little bit of dancing. He is more engrossing than Rudy, better overall, but again, nothing spectacular. Randy says he was a little pitchy and suggests he sings the melodies without all the runs. Paula agrees he should eliminate some of the runs but tells him he is already great. Simon says Brandon is very good, but scolds him for being too predictable tonight. Brandon didn’t make enough of an impact for Simon; he thought the song was going to be great at first but then it went into the dreaded safe territory. Brandon tells Ryan he wanted to pick a comfortable song for the first night and Ryan reminds the former backup singer that unlike the old days, now EVERYONE is looking at Brandon!

SUNDANCE – KNIGHTS IN WHITE SATIN
Ryan tells us its Sundance’s moment of truth. Really, is he like stepping on a scale, or getting a cholesterol test? Pound for pound Sundance might be the fattest idol contestant ever, considering he looks like he is about 4’10” (when Ryan towers over you like an oak tree you know you have height issues). Poor Sundance, during the recap of his idol journey they remind us how red and sweaty he gets when he sings on a stage. Considering he seemed to back into the top 24 this would be a really good time to not suck. And his song is…wow that’s an odd choice, he is singing Knights in White Satin. Again, is this really the best song you can sing? You have the choice of what like 10,000 songs and this is the best you come up with? If we were watching at home and the judges were assigning songs to the contestants and your song was one of them the people at home would groan for whoever had to sing it, yet you picked it willingly. There should be some type of common sense test before they let the contestants pick a song. Have them walk up to 10 people on the street and ask if it’s a good song choice. My guess is none of them would have said ‘yeah man go with the satin, go with the satin.” Nevertheless, he begins the song with, hey wait a minute, is he wearing his class ring? It sure looks like a class ring. Why do I find that kind of cool? I’m not sure what to make of this song. I have no idea what happened to the voice we heard in the initial audition. It’s like when the baseball players returned to spring training the first season they started to test for steroids. Some of the guys suddenly lost 40 pounds in only a few months; guys that used to look like Arnold now looked like Tom Arnold. Sundance apparently stopped taking his vocal steroids, I can’ think of another explanation. He seems to be having a hard time finding the right pitch on some of the passages, but I’m so bored with this song that I’m not sure I really even care. He is really not impressive tonight, a total disappointment. Not only did he show little vocal range, he displayed no personality. Randy tells him he abandoned his whole vibe and wasn’t on pitch the entire song. Paula didn’t like it either, told him he picked the wrong song, was all over the place and looked really sad. Simon says he hasn’t been the same since they first saw him, suggests Sundance bring back his blues voice, and makes fun of Sundance’s ‘dad at wedding’ arm movements. He finishes by telling Sundance, “I don’t like you tonight.” He really is a sweet man. Ryan senses Sundance just crashed and burned so he jovially asks him what he could do differently with his arms. Sun isn’t sure what to say but Paula saves him by demonstrating a new arm move, which consists of her rubbing her chest rather vigorously. Ladies and gentleman we just had our first official Paula moment of the season. Little kids are watching at home and she just did something you normally only get to see during a table dance. Way to go Paula! The show Drive is coming to Fox soon, I think it’s about people driving. Sounds like umm a good show? If they cast AC Cowlings as the guy driving the white bronco I am so watching that show.

Paul Kim – Careless Whisper
Here comes the guy that likes to be barefoot. He is going to be in real trouble during the ‘broken glass on stage’ episode we normally see around midseason. He starts the song really low, which means he will try and go high later in the song; is this really the best song to feature his previously spot on vocals? Blake is full on busting a move upstairs; he probably has the best dance moves of all the guys. Speaking of dancing, Paul’s mom is getting her grove on while seated next to the stage. Wow, Paul really missed the falsetto part. There is no way to hide when you can’t hit the high notes; it’s like air-balling a free throw in basketball. He is all over the place unable to hit more than a few good notes in a row. Paul is doing his best to make Sundance look awesome. He had a chance to get out of a falsetto run yet tried to finish. You can either admire him for trying or criticize him for missing so badly. I’m thinking the judges will go with the latter. Randy doesn’t love the song on Paul, thought it started really weird, hated the falsetto, and yet still thinks he has a lot of promise. Paula feels Paul over sang it and couldn’t find his center. She hopes people remember him from his earlier rounds. Boy it sure is nice to have earlier rounds to fall back on; some many contestants this season are broadcast virgins. Simon (you know he couldn’t have liked it) suggests wearing shoes next week if Paul sings again. He tells Paul and all the other contestants if you sing a great song, don’t copy it, if you do the same version you have to be really good, so good you wow the audience. Ryan returns to the stage shoeless to support Paul. Without the 5 inches of lift his height fixing specially designed shoes provide Ryan looks even shorter than normal. Randy tells the contestants they should show off their originality, instead they sound like some sort of cover band. Simon tells them to stop playing it safe – run with scissors darnit! To his credit, Ryan mentions just how short he is without the magic shoes.

Chris Richardson – I Don’t Wanna Be
Chris says he works in the restaurant business. Waiter Chris, it’s called being a waiter. What if I’m wrong? How cool would it be if we learned in week 6 that Chris actually owns the Olive Garden chain and is worth over 400 million dollars? Chris expects people will compare him to Justin Timberlake. That is a lofty comparison, things would be much easier on Chris if instead he was compared with Joey Fatone (coming soon to a Dancing with the Stars near you). Unlike say for example Bucky from last year, Chris appears able to read, using words like ecstatic and vicariously in his recap package. Dressed in a Justin style suit and tie, he begins to sing. Interesing song choice, not the type of song I would have predicted. Bo Bice and Elliot Yamin performed versions of this song in the last couple seasons, so Chris has a tough task ahead. Wow just seconds into the song and Chris’ dad is rocking out hardcore in his chair. The first part of the song is a little weak, and his boyish vocals fail to ignite the song, but in the back half he finds his voice. He is changing up the song a little bit and really rocking, even hitting the falsetto note near the end. His finish is as strong as the start seemed weak. Chris is by far the best of the night so far, in fact besides Brandon, he is the only contestant without any bad notes. The crowd had a ‘thank god we can finally stand up and actually cheer for someone instead of the fake cheering we’ve been doing most of the night’ look in their faces. The girls really like this guy. Randy feels like the show finally started. Chris made it work even thought Randy didn’t think it was the perfect song. Randy displays his vast music knowledge by then incorrectly stating Edwin McCain sang the original version. Nice job dawg! Simon all too happily corrected the mistake. Randy wants Chris to go even further with it next time. Paula likes Chris’ different flavor. Simone says he loved Chris’s soulful nature in the early rounds, then apologizes for sounding so negative tonight (crowd boos), but he thinks Chris sounded very small in that song. He tells the home viewers to listen to just Chris’s vocals and suggests they will find it below Idol standard. He does however declare the girls will like him; in other breaking news Canada is north of the United States. Ryan gives Chris a chance to respond and Chris says he will go back and listen again, per Simon’s orders.

Nick Pedro – Always and Forever
Nick is the guy that often forgets his words, but this time he wants to go home a winner. He is going the ballad route tonight, which can be dangerous if you put the home audience to sleep they cannot vote! I’m on my second mountain dew to stay awake during this never ending song. He sounds pretty good and certainly displayed a better falsetto than Paul. He is ok tonight, but I feel no emotional connection to him while he is singing; I will not remember this tomorrow, actually I barely remember it now. Randy says the truth never hurts; it wasn’t good for him. Paula feels Nick’s tone wasn’t there tonight and Simon, ironically, defends Nick a little saying he wasn’t really THAT bad. Simon wants Nick to find his spark again but thinks he’ll have another chance next week. Ryan, who is finally taller than someone stands next to Nick and we have our first “Vote for Pedro” reference of the season. Napoleon Dynamite fans all around the world are giddy.

During the commercials they show a clip from the new soon to be cancelled show “The Winner” and guess what, it's the same clip they have been airing for months now. It wasn’t funny then, and it’s still not funny; is that really the best clip they have?

Blake Lewis – Somewhere only we know
Can Blake do something to change the dynamics of the night, because right now it sure looks like the next Idol will have the ability to produce milk. We learn Blake doesn’t want to be defined by his beat boxing, contrary to what I thought, his group members made him use his beat box during the Hollywood rounds; the performance brought down the house. He says he will bust out the beat boxing at some point during the show. How great would it be if he just starting beat boxing right from the start. Wow his hair is higher than Paula on a Friday night. Interesting, he is sitting on a stool. We know he can dance so this seems like a big risk to mellow it down. His dad knows all the words to the song and sings along from the front row, and guess what, Blake can sing. I did not expect this; during the early rounds they never showed much of Blake singing, instead focusing on his beat boxing. He has a little trouble with some of the falsetto transitions but the less than perfect vocals add rather than subtract to his performance; his emotion is raw and pure – this is the most gripping performance of the night. What a brave choice to come out sitting and singing. Blake’s song choice is like Shaq showing how good he is at basketball with a free-throw demonstration – lots of risk, but what a pay off! Randy is really shocked and he says he dug it, even though there were some pitch problems, but he wants the beat box soon. Paula says she never expected that from Blake, calls the vocals spot on and felt he had a cool contemporary vibe. Simon cautions it wasn’t the best vocals he’s ever heard, but Blake is the first person tonight to sound like he is in 2007; he says Blake was by far the best of the night! Blake’s hair is so high tonight it almost makes him taller than Ryan; if you are not taller than Ryan without utilizing hair height, you know you are short.

Sanjaya Malakar – Knocks me off My Feet
Ryan asks how Sanjaya’s sister is post Idol elimination. Sanjaya tells Ryan it’s been rough; she started drinking, staying out all hours of the night, in and out of rehab, filming some soft core porn films…ok I made that up. She is doing pretty good and helped him with his song choice. She looked a little nonplussed during the auditions when she thought the judges thought her brother sang better. Maybe she has some latent hostility and talked Sanjaya into picking a really horrible song, you know something like trying to cover a Stevie Wonder song knowing full well with the exception of Elliot Yamin every contestant to ever sing a Stevie song is scolded for not being Stevie Wonder. Sanjaya says he earned his GED so he will never have to do high school again, but he might end up in fast food sales like some former Idol contestants. His hair is scaring me a little; it has more lift than the space shuttle. He has some tough shoes to fill tonight, not only is he doing a Stevie song (see above for how stupid this is), it’s a song Elliot did last year. He has a very pure voice, but this song is too safe, devoid of any runs that might up the excitement level. A Stevie song sans vocal runs is kinda like Sonny without Cher – a big disappointment. I’m fairly positive I could see this kind of performance at any high school talent show; it’s not a coincidence Sanjaya should still be getting his ‘learn on’ in high school. Sanjaya’s huge smile belied his obvious nervousness. Randy begins with, “Sanjaya my friend.” Any time Randy takes a huge pause and calls you his friend you know he didn’t think much of your singing. In discribing Stevie, Randy invokes his now famous “best singer in the known world ever” for the first time this season. I still wonder about this statement. Why does Randy always qualify his praise with the ‘known world.’ Who in the unknown world is he afraid of alienating? If I ever meet him that’s the first thing I’d ask him, oh and I’d also ask where I can get some really hot looking bright red leather pants so I can start my own Journey cover band. Randy thinks Sanjaya wasn’t close tonight; he calls it really bad. Paula compliments Sanjaya’s sweet soul and wants more personality from him next time. Simon makes pun on the lyric “I don’t wanna bore you,” saying that’s exactly what Sanjaya’s seemingly never ending song choice accomplished. He says half the band was asleep, whoah wait a minute here, what about Ricky Minor? Wouldn’t this be the time for Ricky to suddenly talk back to Simon and get his own career going? No, poor Ricky doesn’t get near a microphone and continues his quest to appear on TV the most times during the number one show on TV and yet still be able to walk into any restaurant in American going completely unrecognized. Sanjaya talks with Ryan and says he appreciates the honesty of the judges, but reminds them he is the youngest male contestant in the competition.

Chris Sligh – A song no one except for the guys who initially wrote it have heard with the exception of Chris (actually it’s called Typical, by a band named Mute Math.)
Chris starts off his recap being all funny again saying they all had to sing “Sweet Home Alabama” over and over again and he is now sick of the song. Congratulations Chris, you might have just alienated the South; the largest voting group of Idol viewers. He says he wants to sing “Do I Make You Proud.” I suppose he is funny, but for some reason his humor rubs me the wrong way. He is ‘too cool’ for Idol and wants to make sure we all know. I was a little bothered by Chris and Taylor last year at times asserting they were too cool for Idol. Chris ‘kept it real’ by rocking the whole time, and Taylor made sure we all knew he was a song writer real musician not a sell out. BY DEFINITION ONCE YOU ARE ON THE IDOL SHOW YOU CAN NO LONGER BE ‘COOLER’ THAN AMERICAN IDOL. It’s kinda like how George W. Bush keeps referring to himself as a Washington outsider. If you aren’t sure whether you are in fact a Washington outsider, the first question you should ask yourself is, “Did my dad used to be President of the United States?” If the answer is yes, you are probably a Washington insider. The second question you should ask yourself is, “Have I had sex with the current first lady?” If the answer is yes, you are probably a Washington insider. There is one final question to ask however, because for example the answer to both questions for Bill Clinton would have been no. The final question, “Are you the CURRENT President of the United States?” If you are, chances are, you are a beltway insider. Chris starts up his song and for the first time I think in Idol history I not only don’t know the name of the song, I’ve never heard it before. Is this a Christian rock song? That might explain why I’ve never heard the song, also it has that same derivative why am I wasting my time listening to this feel that plagues so many Christian rock songs. His voice sounds ok, but he is doing nothing for me tonight, other than making me wonder what the heck he is singing. He struggles a bit on the higher notes, stretching to hit them without using the falsetto we know he possess. He delivers a relatively mistake free song, which is better than many guys have done tonight, but he lacked any emotion. I have a feeling if he didn’t have the big hair and was in decent shape he would have about half as many fans. You could hear this identical performance at about a thousand different youth services every Sunday morning. Randy says Chris’s voice was on point; Randy declares himself a Chris fan. Paula says he is not typical, made a great song choice, but warned him not to sing ahead of the chorus. Simon says Chris made it through the early rounds based more on humor than his talent and appears conflicted on Chris’s performance. He says although it wasn’t bad he felt like he was at some weird student gig. Ryan and Randy ask why the students are singing, and Simon ends up calling Ryan sweetheart. Ryan admonishes Simon for calling him sweetheart.

Ryan joins Chris on stage carefully pointing out that he and Simon are not having sex, nor do they desire their relationship move in that direction. When Chris gets the chance to respond he says, “I guess my only question is that you know like obviously the audience is digging it, this kinda music is very popular right now, and I don’t know what I have to say is that just because I don’t sing Il Divo or Teletubbies doesn’t mean that doesn’t mean that I’m not a good singer.” Wow! Without even pausing to think, Simon retorts, “Chris you could always do the latter.” Simon says he likes Chris but didn’t think it was a great vocal performance. After Ryan says he thinks Chris hurt Simon’s feelings, Chris jokingly says he is sorry. We just had our first ‘what just happened here’ moment of the season, and Paula wasn’t involved (other than dancing erratically as soon as Chris made fun of Simon). I think Chris just made a huge tactical error. He obviously spent some time on google trying to get some funny things to say about Simon, ready to make us all laugh, and even though Simon was rather neutral to the performance, he drops his super funny line. The line probably annoyed as many potential fans as it created. I have issues with Chris’s humor on many levels. First, the judges are there to judge the contestants, yet every year a contestant flips the flippant switch and insults the judges. Good natured ribbing is acceptable, but why go as far as Chris did and seemingly insult two franchises Simon created? Second, don’t include Il Divo; they might be a little corny and over produced but they can sing and shouldn’t be in any sentence with the Teletubbies, even if Simon is their collective father. Chris doesn’t look as bad as he could because of Paula and Randy’s humorous reaction, but they react positively to any time a contestant says something bad about Simon; if someone told Simon his mother was a whore and wished the plague upon his family Paula would break out into one of her spastic I can’t move too far away from my chair dances. Finally, did Chris actually say this kinda music is popular right now? Really? If this song is so popular why hasn’t anyone heard it yet? Maybe he meant it was popular in the Congo, I hear Mute Math (the band that wrote and sings it) is really huge over there. I think its time for a commercial!

Jared Cotter – Back at One
He is from New York and lost his jobs as a waiter trying out for Idol. At least unlike Chris Richardson he actually called himself a waiter. He knows America hasn’t seen much of him yet and says he hopes to “be here for as long as they want me here.” I think he meant to say I hope they want me here a long time. Why wouldn’t he be here as long as the fans wanted him here, does he have somewhere else to go? This sounds like an R. Kelley song. How awesome would an R. Kelley night be on Idol. Every contestant could start out in the closet and sing their way out, and then the best of the night gets to make a sex tape with a 14 year old. This is an ok song choice. He struggles to hit the big notes near the end, doesn’t really find the right pitch throughout. Anytime there is a big pitch modulation he gets a little off pitch; this is another ‘so what’ performance. Randy thought it was pretty good, but didn’t like the way the song ended. Jared reminds Randy he has less than two minutes to sing an entire song. Paula liked it and said it sounded like he was Brian McKnight. Simon laments Jared’s unadventurous performance; he sounded nasal, but did look pretty good. It used to be Paula saying people didn’t sound good but looked great, now its Simon. Simon also says he isn’t sure anyone will wake up tomorrow and say Jared was incredible tonight. Jared accepts the critique like a man and agrees. Chris Sligh needs to learn from Jared. Subway has to hope Jared wins Idol. Can you imagine the ad campaign they can wage with a guy named Jared. Think of the hilarious commercials with good-looking Idol winner Jared and cool challenged weight loss spokesman Jared; I feel a super bowl ad coming!

AJ Tabaldo – Never Too Much
Who is this guy? We didn’t see much of him in the earlier rounds, but we learn he works for a shipping company. I wonder if he is a FedEx or a UPS guy. What can AJ do for you? He was cut from the Hollywood round in Season 5, but this time he nailed his performance and made the top 24. He is singing an up tempo song and all the Idol men are dancing upstairs, except Sundance. Sundance looks really sad or mad. He has a death grip on the railing - come on dude dance, I mean its part of your name! Sundance is either disappointed with his singing tonight, or he really needs a candy bar. AJ sings pretty well, made few mistakes (if any), but I have a hard time ‘felling it’ when he sings. The song is a little frivolous and I think he fails to make an emotional connection. Randy says AJ had a blast and can really blow. Simon is sitting where Paula should sit, and then slides back to his rightful spot. Since the chairs are on wheels I wonder if we’ll ever get one of the judges falling out of their chair as they sit too far forward on the chair and it rolls out from beneath their well paid buttocks. Paula says AJ can definitely sing and likes the tone of his voice. Simon isn’t sure AJ went for it tonight. He says it was a theme park performance, a throw away, very predictable, but wonders if maybe AJ is a little better than he originally thought.

Phil Stacey – These are the Moments
Phil is the guy that missed the birth of his child to try out for Idol. At least we know his priorities are straight! He is also the guy that struggles on the first few notes of every song we’ve ever heard him sing. Uh oh, history repeats itself tonight; Phil sounds really shaky at the start of his song. He is off pitch, but his wife sure looks happy with his singing. Phil looks just like the guy from Iceland on Rockstar Supernova, except without the rock thing. Overall this is a pretty weak song until the last 30 seconds when he finally finds the right notes and belts out a couple good power notes. He has no wow factor tonight and is a little boring. He is like walking Paxil. Randy says it started a little rough, but guess what, he gives the best vocal prize of the night to Phil! Paula likes the chorus a lot, but agrees the start was shaky. Simon says the beginning was horrible, but it was ok in the end, not necessarily the best of the night, and comparing it to singers from past seasons, Simon says it was only ok. Randy disagrees saying it was really good. I think what he means to say is that compared to all the crap we’ve seen tonight this really isn’t that bad. Phil agrees with the judges admitting the start was rough; are you listening Sligh, are you listening?

Final Thoughts

Tonight was rough, really rough. Just because the guys didn’t sing well tonight doesn’t mean we are in for a really long season, hopefully they were just nervous and over thought themselves. I wonder if prison inmates are allowed to vote and if they can do they barter for votes. “Hey man I’ll give you some cigarettes if you use your phone call to vote for Sanjaya. Based on tonight’s singing alone the worst singers were Sundance and Paul. They both made several mistakes and really failed to deliver. Sundance is like some genetic mutation of Scott Savol and Meatloaf, except with facial hair. Sanjaya barely missed the bottom two talent wise, his song was boring, but he didn’t hit any bad notes, he just was super boring. Now, how will people actually vote? Sundance is safe; he had so much pre-show hype I expect his fans to call and call tonight. Same with Sanyaya, who is this year’s Will Makar. Brandon, Chris R., Chris S., Blake, and Phil should all be safe. I don’t think Paul Kim had a big fan base, so I’m fairly sure he is going home on Thursday. Joining him will be one of the following: Rudy, Nick, Jared, or AJ.