Oscar Thoughts

• If after seeing 10 Things I Hate About You way back in 1999, you had to guess which one of the stars would be the first to get nominated for an Oscar, there is no way anyone would pick Heath Ledger over Julia Stiles. She had Oscar nom written all over her, she was great at playing smart girls and she could even dance with black people. I guess she should have portrayed a gay cowboy instead.

• President Bush didn't have to watch the Awards, the NSA already told him all the winners.

• Heath Ledger's gay cowboy voice sounds like Sling Blade. Do all gay cowboys talk like this? Does some kind of constant trauma damage their vocal cords?

• Jennifer Garner presented an award and almost tripped on her dress. Having one kid transformed America's favorite wardrobe changing spy into a clutz. Ben stayed at home. Maybe he is embarrassed that since he won his academy award he has made some of the worst films since the heyday of Pauly Shore. Matt really needs to have an intervention with Ben's career.

• Selma Hayek presented the award for "a regional score." What regions are the scores from?

• The guy who wrote the score for Brokeback Mountain intimated this award honored the entire Latino community. Does this mean all Hispanic cowboys are gay?

• If Joaquin Phoenix can effectively sing all the songs in the movie about your life, you are not one of the greatest singers of all time.

• The directors cut of March of the Penguins includes the deleted scenes of Dick "the Vice" Cheney hunting down and killing the freedom hating penguins. Their freedom was on the march...just a little too slow for his tastes.

• Morgan freeman flubbed his line. What? He is the designated narrator in all movies, how can "Red" mess up his line? Its like Jordan (pre second retirement) missing a dunk.

• Did anyone notice Joaquin Phoenix's stare of death to Reese as she made her acceptance speech. There is something a bit off with that guy.

• New Rule - Really attractive girls can no longer play ugly women. Is there suddenly a dearth of unattractive women in Hollywood - has plastic surgery come so far its eliminated average looking actresses? It is bad enough if you are a plain looking girl trying to make your way in the entertainment industry, you don't need the hot girls stealing your roles.