Thursday, March 05, 2009

Like Freddy and Jason, Tatianna keeps coming back!


Normally the hour-long results show is fluff filled, but not tonight; this is a lean mean entertaining machine. Ryan is wearing this season’s first suit and tie. His collar is unbuttoned and his tie is not snug. Why wear the tie if you aren’t even going to button the collar? They show a clip package of the Group 3 contestants getting their golden ticket and then finding out they advanced into the Top 36. Why? So we’ll remember all their happy smiling faces experiencing the ultimate joy when Ryan crushes their hopes and seals their fate as a future Walmart employee. The group number features a current hit song. I miss the old days when almost every group number was a song from 30 years prior that no one, not even the people who wrote it, had heard in the last decade. When the music starts Ryan bobs his head to the beat and half dances off camera. I think Ryan secretly wishes he could sing and dance. The biggest question entering this number is how will the producers handle Scott’s blindness. Will he have a cane, a Seeing Eye dog, or a friend to help guide his movements? You know if they just had them in a Rockettes style kick line he could dance but not worry about moving around the stage. Look for a Riverdance number featuring Scott during Irish folk song week. The girls begin the song on the balcony and then the camera pans down to the guys all sitting on a bench placed in the middle of the stage. The girls make their way down the stairs and stand behind the guys. The guys are doing not quite Will Rogers Follies worthy dance moves while seated on the bench, but they look like they are having a lot of fun. Actually, when the guys start doing their choreographed moves, Scott is probably the best ‘dancer.’ He is doing everything right. If someone watched Idol at home for the first time tonight they wouldn’t have a clue that one of the contestants was blind. I think this is the most enjoyable group number so far. Near the song’s end Kendall places her hand on Nate. I’m guessing right now he is pretending her hand actually belongs to his blue headband shy dream judge Simon. Poor Alex is stuck on the other side of the bench wondering why Kendall will not touch his leg. Idol tries the ‘hey watch every commercial closely so you can see an audition we didn’t think was entertaining enough to show you the first time around’ gimmick again. I give them credit for always finding new improved ways to make money. What if a contestant had PEPSI tattooed on his forehead? Would they even let that guy on the show? As always the recap video completely distorts the placement of the contestants. It appears from the video Felicia went before Alex and Arianna when in reality she went much later in the show. The video pimps Scott, Jorge, and Lil. Perhaps foreshadowing tonight’s results.

During the chitchat we learn Jorge is used to living on the sun and Ju’Not had another asthma attack during rehearsals. Even after he had the cortisone shot he had to stop rehearsing? Wow, he is in tough shape. It’s not like they were doing wind sprints on a basketball court. They were sitting down and singing. If Ju’Not cannot handle that strenuous activity, maybe he shouldn’t make the Top 12. After the chitchat Ryan changes things up from the last couple weeks and immediately announces the obvious – Lil Rounds is in the Top 12. Too bad, I was looking forward to the Nate or Lil final moments where everyone watching, except Nate’s family, prayed America did not vote the drama queen into the Top 12. Lil, no longer looking elegant like last night is overjoyed. Kara predicts ridiculous vocals from Lil every week unless something ridiculous happens. For some reason Paula is making Kara stupider while Kara is making Paula smarter. If nothing else, Kara’s addition has Randy actually trying again. We haven’t heard him say ‘sing the phone book’ yet. Ryan makes Arianna, Taylor, Alex, Kendall, and Scott stand. He tells them only one is safe but they have to wait until after the break for the results. They show Lil sitting with the other Top 12 finalist and she is still holding her microphone. Really? Why couldn’t a stagehand run out and take it from her during the commercial. Is she going to hold that thing all season? Ryan quickly eliminates Arianna, Taylor, and Alex, creating a beauty and the blind scenario. Ryan tells the mountain mover he moved into the Top 12. Kendall looks genuinely happy for Scott. When Ryan brings Scott to center stage, Scott mentions something about squaring his shoulders off. That must be how he manages to always look at the camera even though he clearly is not. Ryan tells Kristen and Nate to stand where they are. But Kristen is the ‘dumb blonde’ this season, so she starts to walk towards the stage. Luckily Nate lassoes Kristen with his trusty blue headband and stops her movement. Actually Ryan just told her to stop walking and she apologized blaming her stupidity on nerves. They are both eliminated. Von and Felicia are also gone. Felicia and Von combined might be the most talent ever eliminated at one time. Maybe they will both get another chance during the Wild Card. Jorge and Ju’Not join Ryan on stage and for the first time this season he uses the ‘right now’ not ‘after the break’ when he tells them the results. The contestants fall for it every time. They both let their guard down and relax when Ryan infers they have to wait 3 minutes to hear the results. Ironically, when Ryan says right now, Jorge, you know the guy with English as a second language is the only one that hears Ryan and immediately gets serious again. Ju’Not needs another few seconds before he realizes the results are coming right now. Jorge is in, Ju’Not is out. Jorge is so excited he cannot speak English and instead reverts to Spanish. Personally, I’d much rather hear Ju’Not again over Jorge. Sure Jorge can sing, but Ju’Not is much more interesting. Would Jorge be in the Top 12 if he didn’t cry during the judges’ comments? Probably not. Assuming Ju’Not makes it through as a Wild Card, the Top 12 would have a blind guy, a guy that has trouble with English, and a guy dying from asthma attacks. If Tatiana makes it through as well, they would also have a crazy person destined to take her own life someday. Ladies and gentlemen…YOUR TOP 12 FINALIST!


The judges brought back their favorites from the first two groups. Seated upstairs, there are a few noticeably absent singers, such as Ann Marie and Mishavonna. Both are talented but picked the wrong song, so I expected them to at least get Wild Card consideration. The judges say they all agreed on these picks, so it doesn’t really matter which judge says ‘come on down.’ Von is first and Paula tells him to go all out. America expect a screaming Von tomorrow night. Kara says Jasmine is back. She has a great voice and had no rough moments, until her she sang in group 2. Kara wants Jasmine to kill the judges with her vocals. She suggests singing a Rihanna song. Whoops. Did Kara really want to say Rihanna and kill in the same thought? If Jasmine is lucky maybe Chris Brown (who is in LA tomorrow for a court hearing) can beat her like Keith Moon hitting a drum before she sings again. Paula saves Ricky, one of her personal favorites. Unlike the first two saved contestants, Ryan doesn’t ask the judges what Ricky needs to do differently this time around. Probably because Ricky was pitch perfect awesome week one, picked a decent song, and gave a great performance. His main problem was his anonymity. Simon saves Megan, who runs down the stairs full speed. She promises to be herself and sing her heart out. As they head to break Nate has his fingers crossed. Dude give it up, you are done, you are not coming back to the Wild Card, just let the dream go (I really hope I’m right). Randy is almost apologizing when he announces Tatianna. He makes sure America knows every judge, not just him, is subjecting us to her theatrics for another night. She can barely speak to Ryan and keeps repeating, “thank you so much.” Simon is mocking her emotional outburst. Please, next time she goes even slightly insane, someone taser her. Kara says the next contestant is one of the bluesyest singers they’ve heard, and it’s Matt. Considering there are two Matts upstairs I wonder if Kara purposely mention ‘bluesyest’ so the other Matt didn’t have a heart attack when he heard his name. Now if she said ‘one of the most boring karaoke copycat singers’ then the other Matt would have been jumping for joy, and that dude is big, if he jumped the entire upstairs might have come crashing down. Paula says this person is a last minute change; it’s Jesse. Did Paula really need to say that? For the rest of their lives the other girls on the balcony will wonder if they were the ones replaced. Simon says Anoop was one of the easiest picks out of the 8. The crowd favorite suffered the longest in the balcony. The other contestants all seem to really like Anoop. I bet he tells them all stories about southern barbecue in between rehearsals. Jorge closes out the shows final moments singing. On one note at least he has more pitch issues than last night.

What about Ju’Not and Felicia? This season’s new format certainly creates disparities between the different groups. Group One only had a few days to practice their songs. Would they have made different song choices if they had two weeks to sing the song over and over again finally realizing they sound horrible? I assume the judges took this into consideration when they selected the wild card participants. Perhaps that explains why only one contestant from Group 3 made the Wild Card round. Felicia and Ju’Not were probably both deserving of spots, yet neither one gets another chance. Felicia, already given a second chance, probably did not deserve a third chance. Plus, if Idol keeps putting her in our face begging for our votes the public will eventually revolt. Still, she is a better singer than some already in the Top 12 (yes you Michael Sarver) and I’d like the chance to hear her sing something other than “No One.” And why not Ju’Not? He is an Idol veteran of two seasons and wowed the judges in Hollywood. He was the ONLY contestant in the first three groups that showed restraint during his performance. What’s the lesson learned? Go all out when you sing and avoid subtlety at all costs. Under the old format, Ju’Not could have showed nuance on his first song, advanced past week one, and then displayed his obvious versatility with a power ballad in week two. I suppose the changes will be worth it once the Top 12 performs next week; for the first time in years we are not truly certain what to expect from the contestants. Is it possible Ju’Not’s asthmas attacks scared away the judges? Picking the Top 12 is a little like the NLF draft. If a player has a potential medical problem most teams shy away from him in lieu of a healthy prospect. Perhaps the asthma derailed Ju’Not’s dream. On the bright side, if Idol suddenly moves its filming location to smog free Arizona Ju’Not is guaranteed a spot in the Top 12.

I hope my favorites learned a lesson from their first outing. Anoop needs to do a fast paced Motown like song. If he does another slow and dreary ballad he deserves a trip home. Von needs to go all out. Simon might not like self-indulgence, but the other three judges eat it up quicker faster than Jessica Simpson inhaling a large pizza. I hope Von gives “Bridge Over Troubled Water” a try. Ricky needs to show off his personality. Tatianna needs to be medicated and sent to a big building with bars on the windows and padding on the walls where people go when they can no longer function in everyday society. Jasmine needs to be young and fun, but still show off her powerful voice. Matt G. needs to play the piano, which means he is in a lot of trouble. Megan needs to stop with the crazy dancing moves and sing a regular song quirky (last time she sang a quirky song even quirkier). Unless he flops like Shaq, Anoop is into the Top 12. Since the Top 12 is becoming a sausage fest, the judges will certainly advance at least one girl. That girl will be Jasmine. She is talented and a great package and the fact she is a black female doesn’t hurt (if only she was blind with a dead husband). The final member of the Top 12 is completely uncertain. You can make compelling arguments for several singers, even Tatianna. TNT doesn’t know drama compared to Tatianna. Maybe Idol will blow our minds and have a Top 13 or Top 14. If they do what they did tonight, Ryan will make Anoop the last person in and terrify him again.


Post a Comment

<< Home